what it means to “rest”
July 15th, 2007
“Be still and know that I am God.” Psalm 46:10
I am working hard at not working.
I’ve discovered that it’s almost impossible for me not to work. I used to pride myself (though I wouldn’t have dared ascribed it to “pride” - I’m above pride, of course) on the fact that I knew how to rest. Whereas some of my friends and coworkers would bemoan that they didn’t know how to rest and renew, and were envious of my ability to, I rather enjoyed knowing the secret, and I felt like I was one of the few enjoying the benefits of God’s directive to us to take a Sabbath.
Of course, it had nothing to do with the fact that since I was born, my father had implemented a “Sabbath” in my life, so that I was trained to set aside one day a week for God and for myself. I tried giving it up for a time in college, under the guise of pursuing excellence academically, only to discover that when I went back to the practice of taking one day off completely from homework and work, I still maintained my 4.0. GPA. and actually enjoyed life more. I have never looked back.
I love Sabbath. I love that God has instructed his creation to take one day off a week for our good. I could not operate as effectively without it; I know, I’ve tried, and I choose to structure my life around a weekly Sabbath.
As a result of my love of taking Sabbaths, I thought I had it down quite nicely, this thing called “rest”; at a recent job interview, I was asked about my time management. I got quite few nods of approval from my now employers when I mentioned that I have already implemented a weekly Sabbath, resting from my busy workload and responsibilities.
It wasn’t until this weekend, however, that I realized that I am so structured and such a perfectionist and driven person that I can’t rest when it’s not scheduled into my schedule. An “unscheduled” rest period is not rest, it’s a struggle.
I found myself at the doctor’s this past Wednesday, with an order to take it easy and to not do anything. “Piece of cake” I thought to myself, welcoming the time off as a mini-vacation (of course, a vacation in which I felt miserable due to being physically sick, but nonetheless, a vacation from my two jobs). I thought it’d be easy to kick back and rest because I always look forward to my weekly Sabbaths. How naive I was.
It took me a full two days to unwind enough from my crazy schedule to actually be able to rest. And then I managed to rest for one full day. Of course, that day of rest included doing dishes, making lunch and dinner, etc. I prided myself on fighting the urge to write a few pieces — until I realized I somehow wrote and posted a piece yesterday. Whoops. That just “happened.” I take no responsibility. 
This morning, I woke up, for the first time in two weeks feeling stronger and actually seeing progress in this whole “healing” thing…and I immediately started cleaning and organizing my office, going through papers that have been waiting for me since my move two months ago. After five hours of nonstop work, and having listened to quite a few lectures, broadening my mind, making “good use” of my time, I realized what I was doing and that I’m completely crazy and I stopped. And promptly laid down on the couch and rested. (Okay, okay, so I picked up my roommate’s lap top and started writing this piece.)
It’s hard to break old habits.
Why is it so difficult to rest? To just stop? To let go and accomplish “nothing”? Sure, part of it is my personality - I have a driven nature and was also trained from an early age to be productive, but there’s something about just “being” and stopping and coming before God with nothing — no agenda, no long prayer list, no spiritual feats I wish to accomplish or passages of Scripture I wish to read or study — but simply resting in His goodness that is scary; scary because sometimes when we stop and rest, God communicates with us. And sometimes it’s easier to keep going, to keep ourselves busy than it is to listen to what He has to say.
I’ve learned there are two kinds of rest - sure, I may have the routine, weekly rest down which allows me to keep up my crazy schedule without burning out more often than I do, but there is the rest which requires nothing of us but simply coming before the Lord and laying down all of our worries, cares, and concerns at His feet and asking Him to minister to us, and it is this rest I am being asked to learn. I would wager that very few of us, Christian or otherwise, do this. It’s something that I value highly, both in my personal life and also in my job with InterVarsity Christian Fellowship, and yet the times I actually do it, unscheduled, are so rare. But sometimes God allows us to be slowed down in life — or clears out areas or activities or even relationships in our life — to get our attention, to ask us to pay attention to Him, to have open ears and an open heart to what He wants to teach us and show us.
Sometimes we just gotta stop.
And that’s it. Nothing more, nothing less.
-Christen Patterson
a severe mercy
July 13th, 2007
“The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind, the kind that blindside you at 4 p.m. on some idle Tuesday.” -Mary Schmich
Sometimes God answers prayers directly and swiftly but sometimes the answer comes when you least expect it and had almost forgotten you needed it. You find yourself on a Tuesday afternoon, blindsided, quite sure that the world is beyond cruel.
But after gasping from the pain, you laugh and you cry and you sing His praise, and somehow, in the midst of all that, your trouble turns to joy because He is sovereign and you trust in His goodness.
When the lie is deeper than I know
You capture me and You carry me home
You see these wounds and rescue me
You always heal things beautifully
-Watermark, “Where to Find Me”
You smile through your tears — knowing that He knows you better than you know yourself, and you thank Him because He is faithful to muck around the deepest crevices of your soul in order to bring you to a place of complete healing and freedom. And in the midst of that process, you fall on your knees and learn once again how to receive His mercies, which are new every morning.
You learn the things you thought you knew; you learn again what it means to forgive, even when forgiveness is the last thing your shattered heart is prepared to do.
Thank goodness it’s not left up to you.
And you smile over the way God intimately and tenderly loves you - giving you small gifts each day — in a phone call, in a hug, in a song. In a girlfriend showing up on your doorstep with flowers, ice cream, and a lotta love; in India Arie belting out your heartbeat when you have no words left to sing; in learning what it means to be a little girl again, receiving love from God the Father.
And the healing process continues, one breath at a time.
And with a smile, you dance and embrace your new found freedom.
–
I got the call today, I didn’t wanna hear
But I knew that it would come
An old true friend of ours was talkin’ on the phone
She said you found someone
And I thought of all the bad luck,
And all the struggles we went through
How I lost me and you lost you
What are these voices outside love’s open door
Make us throw off our contentment
And beg for something more?I’ve been learning to live without you now
But I miss you sometimes
The more I know, the less I understand
All the things I thought I knew, I’m learning them again
I’ve been tryin’ to get down to the Heart of the Matter
But my will gets weak
And my thoughts seem to scatter
But I think it’s about forgiveness
Forgiveness
Even if, even if you don’t love me anymoreThese times are so uncertain
There’s a yearning undefined
And people filled with rage
We all need a little tenderness
How can love survive in such a graceless age
And the trust and self-assurance that lead to happiness
They’re the very things we kill, I guess
Pride and competition cannot fill these empty arms
And the work they put between us,
You know it doesn’t keep us warmI’ve been trying to live without you now
But I miss you, baby
The more I know, the less I understand
And all the things I thought I figured out, I have to learn again
I’ve been tryin’ to get down to the Heart of the Matter
But my will gets weak
And my heart is so shattered
But I think it’s about forgiveness
Forgiveness
Even if, even if you don’t love me anymoreAll the people in your life who’ve come and gone
They let you down, you know they hurt your pride
Better put it all behind you; cause life goes on
You keep carrin’ that anger, it’ll eat you up insideI wanna be happily everafter
And my heart is so shattered
But I know it’s about forgiveness
Forgiveness
Even if, even if you don’t love me anymoreI’ve been tryin’ to get down to the Heart of the Matter
Because the flesh gets weak
And the ashes will scatter
So I’m thinkin’ about forgiveness
Forgiveness
Even if you don’t love me anymore
Even if you don’t love me anymore- India Arie, “The Heart of the Matter.”
–
Goodbye.
July 2007
If I may be so bold to speak on behalf of others more than just myself, we’re a ragtag bunch, many us Christians.
And that’s exactly how I like it.
You look at our diversity and it’s astounding; as our cultures brush up against each other, we are all shaped, challenged, and blessed by the differences we bring to our communities. And while I’m sure those around us sometimes scratch their heads, wondering what it is that ties us together, we know that sometimes the only thing linking us to each other is Jesus, himself. And we rejoice in that.
–
The world of facebook is a strange and fascinating world. A medium that connects people from around the world, a platform that offers “community” on some level.
Confession: I enjoy reading the “religious views” description of everyone whose page I come across. I am especially fascinated by the variety of descriptions Christians give, and it makes me realize with even more acute awareness that our generation is fighting against conformity.
Very few of us are choosing to describe ourselves as “Christian.” A quick five minute search on facebook brought up the following descriptions (one will find that almost nowhere is the word “Christian” used without some sort of caveat):
- lover of God; extreme Jesus follower
- non-religious like Jesus
- Loving follower of Jesus Christ
- I am a Christ Follower
- religion = do // Jesus = done
- purchased by the blood of Christ
- Born again Christian embracing Hebraic roots
- Follower of God in the way of Jesus
- “For all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God” Romans 3:23
- Follower of Christ
- Pure & Undefiled before the Mighty1 & Father: Visit Orphans and widows under affliction: Keep one Self Unstained From the World
- Jesus lover
- forgiven.loved.
- Jesus Freak
- Christian - A relationship not a religion
- i love jesus!
- Jesus is my Lord and Savior! =)
- radical follower of the Way…Acts 9:2
- Jesus is Lord, God, and Savior - led a perfect life, died on the cross, and rose again
- I love the Lord.
And that is only the beginning of descriptions. It’s clear that there are few of us in my generation (I’m twenty-five) who are followers of Jesus who actually chose to use the label “Christian.” So what happened to simply saying “I’m Christian”? Why do we go to such great, creative lengths, and at the risk of sounding cultish, to avoid saying “I’m Christian”? If I could guess, it’s probably because it’s been hijacked by so many who claim the name of Christ but who do not know Him. Erwin McManus penned one of my all-time favorite quotes: “Christianity has become our Shawshank, and our redemption will only come if we find the courage to escape the prison we have created for ourselves.”
I think the truth we’re trying desperately to express is that we’re not concerned with Christianity the religion – we’re concerned with following Jesus. Christianity the religion is the prison we’re seeking to break from. And so we come up with every possible way under the sun to convey that to those around us.
Should we try to redeem the word “Christian” from those who have hijacked it for their own purposes? Yes. But in the meantime, we want to make it clear where we stand. We love Christ; we’re about the things he was about; we’re seeking to love a broken and dying world with his love. We have been redeemed by Jesus’ blood on the cross and restored to a right relationship with God, and because Jesus rose from the dead and lives today, we have LIFE. We live in freedom, not subject to our sin and no longer living in bondage.
This whole mindset comes down to a personal level: I learned quickly in college to not allow others to ascribe the label “Christian” to me. Why? Because I distance myself from the vast group of Christians in the United States who are nominal Christians or who are simply culturally Christian.
I am fiercely in love with following Jesus, and I don’t want my relationship with God to be confused with the “Christianity” of the Crusaders or with many of the Christians today who deny Jesus by their lifestyles. As Brennan Manning wrote, “The greatest single cause of atheism in the world today is Christians, who acknowledge Jesus with their lips and walk out the door and deny him with their life style. That is what an unbelieving world simply finds unbelievable.” I think Manning is on to something that we’ve started to clue in to. And so you have a generation of believers in Jesus who are hesitant to fall into the “Christian” camp, because let’s face it, people professing to be Christians have done a lot of stupid and horrific things throughout history and thus “Christians” have gotten a bad rap.
It is thus the misconstrued understanding of what it means to be “Christian” that motivated me to distance myself from the word; when talking to Muslim, Jewish, and atheist friends, I realized many did not understand what it meant to follow Jesus; they would hear the word “Christian” and already have a preconceived notion of what that meant from the media, from their teachers, from history, and from their neighbors, and rightly so, and that grieved me. So I began to spit out, when asked what my religious affiliation was, “I’m a born-again non-denominational follower of Jesus” (I oftentimes had to take a breath after delivering that mouthful) in the hopes of avoiding a label. I wanted as much as possible to distance myself from the idea of “religion”, because my faith is not based upon a religion but is based upon following a Galilean carpenter named Jesus. (And yes, you’ll be hard pressed to find me comfortable with most of the Christian churches I step into today. I look around and wonder what would be Jesus’ response to what humanity has done to his name and in his name.)
A friend once said Christianity is fine in and of itself, but the minute you put Christians together, inevitably they start to mess things up. The truth hurts, but we must take responsibility. And isn’t that the whole point of what those of us who profess Jesus as Lord and Savior believe? That we’re screwed up people in need of redemption? In need of fixing? In need of reconciliation with God? And that Jesus is the only answer?
And perhaps therein lies the beauty I see in being a rebel – by focusing on Jesus, we circumvent all the crap that Christians throughout the ages have added to Christianity; we point to the reason for our faith – it all rests on Jesus. As the Apostle Paul said in 1st Corinthians 15, if Christ has not risen from the dead then we are of all humans most to be pitied.
So, while we might very well sound like a cult with all of our variations, attempting through amazing acrobatic feats to avoid the label “Christian,” in reality we’re asking that we not be put into neatly constructed boxes of what it means to be a “Christian.” We’re marching to the beat of a different drum, and we’re hoping that when others talk to us and enter into friendships with us, maybe we’ll start to redeem what it means to be “Christian.”
In the meantime, I’m a follower of Jesus, pure and simple.
what makes a good marriage? part two
July 3rd, 2007
A month or so ago, I asked the general public, “What makes a good marriage?” and received a myriad of responses. In the time since, I haven’t touched the topic; partly, because as it’s clearly obvious to most, I have no firsthand knowledge of what makes a good marriage, and partly because it’s a daunting topic. So why would a single woman have the audacity to even attempt to handle such a subject?
My answer (of course I must justify this, this is what philosophers do, after all =) is because my generation desperately needs to start listening to those who have gone before them and actually hear what they have to say on the subject; we need to humble ourselves and ask the questions; we need to seek to learn from those who are older, wiser, and more experienced than us and recognize when we don’t have the answers – that “love” is not enough.
Of course, I’ve never walked the road, so take what I share with a grain of salt. However, the beauty in soliciting the advice and wisdom of others is that I’m not proffering my own advice (which has no authority on my own without a healthy marriage to back it up) but I am proffering the thoughts and advice of many others who do have healthy marriages.
And with that, I submit a partial list:
Love.
Forgive.
Seek to out-serve your partner.
Laugh.
Dance.
Date.
Smile.
Be humble.
Compromise.
Put your spouse’s needs before your own.
Women – respect your husbands.
Men – love your wives.
Have fun.
Communicate.
Surprise each other.
Seek to learn each other’s love languages and speak to each other in them.
Remain each other’s best friend.
Pursue God together.
Continue to pursue each other as you did before you got married; never stop.
Commit.
Persevere.
Pray together.
Cry together.
Learn.
Cross each other’s cultures – you come from two different backgrounds; seek to understand
Be transparent with each other.
Be patient.
Fight for your spouse even when he or she does not deserve it just as God has fought for us
Choose to love when the emotions are not there
Seek to love your spouse with the kind of love Christ loved us - a love that allows you to willingly lay down your life for your spouse
Romance each other
Play
Never lose the wonderment you experienced when you were first falling in love
Talk
And breathe.
lesson number 762: think before you walk
July 3rd, 2007
As I walked away, I started laughing as I was reminded of my first encounter with a bank’s salesperson. I was a dow-eyed nineteen-year-old who had just started a job downtown as a part-time secretary for a construction firm that was renovating a historic building in Detroit; it was my first “real” job and I felt pretty cockstrong as I was one of the only women on site and as such, I was given the royal treatment (reality hit later, but for a first official job, it was an awesome experience). Although I had no idea what I was doing as I had never been inside a bank before as a customer, I walked into the bank that day with a confident stride and a lot of checks in hand. I proceeded to open a checking account, and during the course of that process, didn’t fail to notice that the young salesman who waited on me was quite good looking and that he was starting to flirt with me. When he brought up that he knew me from my coffee shop job as the girl behind the barista (the coffee shop was located kitty-corner from the bank), my feminine ego started to rise. My confident demeanor and feminine charms were going along well until he asked me when my shifts were so he could come see me, and in my naiveté and inexperience, I remember being so flustered, that as I left his office, I walked straight into the door post. Duly embarrassed, and my ego bruised, I sheepishly turned around, hoping he had been momentarily blinded and thus somehow didn’t notice my error. I immediately proceeded to walk into the next wall, well aware that he was standing there, watching me with a knowing grin.
Fighting the urge to flee the building, I held my head high and pretended that I had not just walked into two walls in the span of ten seconds, and I thanked God under my breath for automatic teller machines.
-Christen Patterson
July, 2007
quick sketch on “love”
July 3rd, 2007
on love
Honestly, I’m really tired of people making assertions about my love or questioning it. I am told, “There’s a difference, Christy, between ‘love’ and ‘love.‘” Oh, is there? Is there really?
Is not love a choice? Why must I ascribe to society’s idea of love being a feeling of falling “in-love” in order to say “I love you” to the person I’m dating? Is not love so much more? Is the assumption that if I say “I love you” to the person I am dating, that I am only talking about the “falling-in-love” type of love? Do not people know me better to know I have a deeper understanding of what love is and that I don’t use that word lightly when I say it?
Is not love a deep desire for another person’s best? Is not love a choice to be at someone’s side, even when the “feeling” is or is not there? Is not love so much more than what Hollywood and our culture screams at us? I don’t want to give or receive “shallow” love; I never have. If “love” is only, or primarily, to be determined by the butterflies in your stomach, by the excitement of another human being investing in your life, by the thrill of growing closer — mentally, physically, spiritually — then, yes, perhaps it’s “dangerous” to tell someone you love them before, oh, I dunno, six months. That seems like a good number, a good formula, a good rule to follow, doesn’t it? I wonder if it’s that my choice to tell others I love them is threatening to so many others who wouldn’t and don’t do the same?
Maybe it’s because I’m not playing by the rules. Is that it? It makes you uncomfortable; it’s outside the ordinary; it’s risky. Well, you know what? Loving anyone is risky. Ask C.S. Lewis, who wrote:
There is no safe investment. To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglement; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket - safe, dark, motionless, airless - it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. The alternative to tragedy, or at least to the risk of tragedy, is damnation. The only place outside Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers and perturbations of love is Hell.
Ask Christ, who loved to the point of entering humanity and dying for us. Why are we so quick to judge other people and their love? Is it out of fear for them (she’s confusing “love” with “infatuation”) or is it out of fear for ourselves? Our constructs are being questioned; our boundaries are being challenged; our thoughts about love are being threatened. No one could possibly know whether they love someone until a certain period of time, right?
Who sold us that lie and when did we start to buy it?
I’ve heard so many times, “Love is too big of a word to use lightly and I hate when people use it often.” Rarely is that statement aimed directly at me, but in being stated, it is implicitly implicating me of “cheapening” the word because I do choose to use the word “freely.”
But am I cheapening it? Is my love for someone somehow less because I love many others? Do I only have a specific amount of love to give, and therefore, am spreading it “too thin” on too many people? When it really comes down to it, is not our fear of using that word “too much” and “too freely” a reflection that we are fearful of being hurt? It doesn’t have to be just in a dating relationship. We do this in other relationships as well. We don’t want to extend ourselves by saying it and giving it until we are SURE that our significant others, closest friends, and family members feel the same way and aren’t going to hurt us by their lack of love, or lack of love being equal to ours. So we hold on to it, selfishly not wanting to give until we have received, or until we are quite sure we will receive a reciprocal love. But is not loving someone in the way that Christ loves us a love that “does not seek its own”? Gives without thought to its own needs? And if we base our decisions about who we love upon a Biblical understanding of love, upon how God and Jesus love, does it not change how we should use that word and how we choose to interact with others?
Love is a choice; when it comes to significant others, the feelings of being “in love” may come and go; love is a commitment; love is an earnest desire for another person’s best; love is a desire for them to know the one, true Lord better and more intimately. If love is those things, can not - and should not - we be using the word more often and let go of our small-view ideas of “love” and start practicing Biblical love in a way that brings honor and glory to the Father?
brown paper napkin theology
July 1st, 2007
Are not five sparrows sold for two cents? Yet not one of them is forgotten before God. “Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Do not fear; you are more valuable than many sparrows. (Luke 12: 5-7)
God is a very personal God, who knows not only the number of hairs on our heads but knows our personal struggles. And I am humbled daily by his love.
–
We as women struggle with our identity and self-worth; I have not met one woman, no matter how confident she seems to be, who does not at some point ask, “Am I beautiful?”; “Do I captivate you?”; “Do you love me?” - whether the question is posed to our fathers, or significant others, or our husbands does not matter, we still ask the universal question.
It seems that at the core of every woman, this cry pervades. For some, the question dictates their lives and sometimes as a result exhausts others; for others, it is a question that crops up every so often. Nevertheless, it is a common question for every woman I have ever come to know on any personal level.
I have found that the only source who can confirm and affirm that silent cry of our hearts is our creator and maker, God himself. It is only when we believe what he says about us that we can be truly whole and truly able to not always be asking everyone around us, whether explicitly or implicitly, “Am I okay; do you value me?”
This is a lesson I’m continually learning; I have come farther than where I was five years ago, but it’s a continual journey, especially in a society that screams that your value and worth is based upon your physical appearance; advertising shouts to us this lie almost every time we turn around. And inevitably, when we walk into a room, whether we want to admit it or not, we size up the other women in the room, comparing ourselves to them.
Lord, have mercy upon us.
It is only by the grace of God that we can break out of the tendencies we have rooted in our flesh.
–
Today, I was unpacking my office/bedroom (I still have some boxes to get through from my recent move) and came across a brown paper napkin and smiled.
You might wonder why I saved a brown paper napkin — I saved it because it’s a love note from God.
Yes, God. Before I sound absolutely crazy, and I’m sure there are many who would ascribe that label to me (something I rather revel in, to be honest), let me back up.
A couple of months ago, I was not feeling particularly lovely; we all have those days - days in which we just feel “blah.” That morning was such a day for me. And as I was in the shower, I started talking to God as I am apt to do and asked him to remind me that he has created me and that I am “fearfully and wonderfully made” (Psalm 139:13-14). To remind me that he has called me beautiful and delights in me. And so I purposed through my conversation with him that I would not dwell on any feelings or emotions to the contrary but dwell on both what he says about me in Scripture and what my worth in him is. And in my childlike faith, as a daughter approaching her father, I asked if he would remind me that I am loved and that I am beautiful. And so I went through my workday with that mindset and attitude; when any thought to the contrary encroached upon my emotional well-being, I refused to entertain it, willing myself instead to cling to the Scriptures God has given us to remind us of truth.
Later that night, I had a date with a girlfriend for dinner. As she was running a few minutes late, I called my roommate, Anna, and stood inside a Panera restaurant laughing and catching up with her. I had had a long, tiring day at work and had just driven through 90 minutes of rush hour traffic and so I was weary, but I was looking forward to having dinner and just relaxing. When my friend arrived, we both ordered soup, and I was so excited to see her and catch up that I was oblivious to the crowd around us and was just focused on her. We found a booth and sat down and prayed before we started eating. As the two of us were excitedly catching up with one another, I noticed my girlfriend pause and look past me. I stopped mid-conversation when I saw a brown paper napkin, folded over, thrust on our table, near my elbow. I immediately turned around to find a solitary man that could have been a cousin of Denzel Washington standing behind me. He shyly smiled and said, as he nodded towards me, “This is for you; I’m too shy to say it in person.” And with that, he turned around and left the restaurant.
The first thing that crossed my mind as I was processing what he said was that maybe I needed a napkin and had some soup on my face or something (I’m quite serious) and then it dawned on me that there was probably something written on the napkin.
I opened it and burst out laughing, sure that God works in mysterious ways and loves me so intimately that he would answer my prayer from that morning, a prayer I had forgotten. It could not have been clearer if the message had actually been signed, “God.”
The napkin read: “You are so sexy. =) Just want you to know.”
No phone number (I was a bit sad and tempted to run after the man but restrained myself =) — just that statement. And I thank God for a reminder from him to his girl, “You are loved and you are beautiful.”
Let us remember the truth God says about us when we start to doubt it. Let us live boldly and confidently, rejoicing in how our God has created us and celebrating the beauty he has ascribed to each and every one of us!
-Christen Patterson
July 1, 2007