reality: thoughts on loss
June 12th, 2007
“You heard Sharon died Friday, right?” The words, said so quickly — the speaker assuming I had already been told — pierced my heart.
A gasp and a scream simultaneously came forth from my lips as I tried to process the information. Oblivious that I was standing in an office, oblivious to those who might hear me, I let the tears overflow.
All I knew is that today, I lost a friend.
–
Sharon, who worked in the co-op office at school, was in her late fifties — a warm, kind woman who was eager to help with any problem. We had developed a friendship over the past year through my interactions with the co-op office.
–
I took the news very hard. I had gone up to Maureen’s office after class to finish some business with her when she told me.
All of a sudden, the brevity of life was right in my face, demanding my attention; the grief — overwhelming. I fled from school and cried all the way home.
–
My heart heavy since I heard, all I can do is go over my last conversation with Sharon, go over the things I kept putting aside. I kept telling her I’d give her my bread recipe — I never did. I kept meaning to bring her a small gift — but I didn’t find the time.
I keep going over our many conversations and smiling at the memories — we’d swap stories about family; share the best places to get health food and discuss cooking tips. We talk about life and loved ones, homeschooling’s ins and outs (her nieces and nephews were homeschooled and she was a big supporter) — we’d laugh.
Sharon was always a bright light in my day. Her smile and welcoming personality were such a blessing. She was the rock of the co-op office at school — steady, sure, calming, confidence-boosting. I’m going to really miss her, my conversations and interactions.
I’m still trying to process that she’s gone. I will never see or talk with her again.
This past week, since I first found out she was sick (I had no idea the gravity), I had been meaning to write her a card — was even thinking of visiting her…and I kept putting it off because I was sick and overwhelmed with school and life. And now — now, I can’t. Those opportunities are lost.
I cannot say goodbye.
The last thing I said to her, right before Christmas break, after having a warm conversation in the hallway together, which I had to cut off because I was rushing to a final exam, was, “I’ll see you after break!”
If only I had known.
–
Don’t ever take a moment for granted; don’t ever assume you have another day to do something; to tell a loved one you love them, to write a card, to go visit someone. Do not allow life to steal your moments. If Sharon had known she had but a few months to live, would she have been working in the co-op office? If you knew you had but a few months to live, would you be living as you are? Are there things you need to say to someone? Is there a letter that needs to be written? A hug that needs to be delivered?
Time is fleeting; we never know when our interactions with someone might be our last.
Don’t waste the gift of life God has given you. Don’t waste an opportunity to tell someone you love them. You might never have another chance.
- Christen Patterson
February 2005
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